You lost me at “hello”

15 reasons why your copy doesn’t convert (And how to improve your offer)

1. Minimal Understanding
What do you do? No seriously. If we don’t understand what your offer is, why would we buy? Obscurity is untrustworthy. Say what you do, who it’s for, and what problem you solve.

2. Features Not Benefits
What something does and how something feels are two very different ideas. Sell the symphony not the orchestra of instruments arranged in a semicircle.

3. Everything to Everyone
What do engineers, single mothers and silicon valley CEOs have in common? They all hate your product. Everything to everyone is nothing to no one. Be specific. Speak to an audience of one.

4. Don’t Believe The Hype
“The WORST mistake there’s ever been. Ever. Seriously!” Exaggerated language undermines credibility. I 100% PROMISE!

5. Ampersand Quicksand
"We do this & this & this & this!"
Too much too soon is a turn off.
Match one message with one avatar, or segment your traffic.

6. Call To Nothing
“This way?” All chat, no action makes Jack go out of business. If you have attention, direct it or lose it.

7. Origin Story or Obituary?
“In the beginning the world was created. 4.6b years later, we discovered dropshipping.” If you must begin at the beginning, slay the dragon quickly and get to the point.

8. Buzzword Bingo
Synergy. Tomorrow. Future. Connect. Everyone. Goodbye. Not all words carry the same impact they once had. Avoid jargon and abstract prosperity.

9. Pun to the Head
There’s a difference between wordplay and puns, and you can measure it in dollars. Loose the gimmicks.

10. To Hell With Spell Check
Nothing ever good came from a red wiggly line.
If you don’t care about your spelling—what else don’t you care about?

11. Three Kings
H1 is at war with H2.
H2 is at war is H3.
H3 is at war with everyone.

You have a hierarchy problem. Contrast cultivates clarity.

12. Concept Art
Your designer just graduated from Central St Martins and needs a portfolio piece. You might have brilliant copy, we just can’t read it. Fringe is ‘out there’ for a reason. Avoid designer indulgence.

13. Hover State of Emergency
You’ve hyperlinked too many keywords and disrupted the flow of the story.
If everything you say needs a footnote or lightbox, your writing is too niche. Enrich, don’t engulf.

14. Testing, Testing
“If we stop testing right now, we’d have fewer cases.” Different stories resonate with different audiences. Ignorance is not bliss. Split test your copy.

15. Try Again
There’s no one right way to write an offer. Iteration is part of the process. Whichever method you deploy, remember the four C’s:

→ Clear
→ Curious
→ Compelling
→ Click-worthy

If there’s a hook, a promise, and pain relief in there too—you’re onto a winner. Still not sure why your copy isn’t converting? Say hello@tristanidea.com